Sex + Pleasure

Theoretically two sides of the same coin; on one we have pleasure and the other sex. While often affiliated with one another, the two do not necessarily go hand in hand.

Especially if you’re a sexually active woman in her late teens/early twenties.

So many guys like to talk this big game on how good they are in bed, when in reality the only true experience they have is their right hand (sorry lefties). Just because you’ve mastered how to make your imagination think your apendage is actually that of your early childhood babysitter, doesn't mean you truly know how to pleasure someone other than yourself.

I will say the same CAN be said for women, but I feel as if there is actually a greater correlation between overall pleasure/experience for both parties and a woman’s own ability to pleasure herself. Although I think this stems from a place of how oftentimes in unsatisfactory sexual experiences a woman feigns to ask for what she really wants (if she even knows) is unable to communicate to her partner how to pleasure her. More often a woman who is comfortable in her sexuality and identity as a sexual being knows going into something what she wants/needs. I think the same can be said for intimate, romantic relationships that form out of connection rather than physicality. I’d like to think that someone looking for a relationship is actively doing things that correlate to that goal. Whereas someone who just wants to hook up may act differently.

Then again I say I want a healthy, mature adult relationship and here I am alone in a bar with my tits out silently hoping to attract a member of the opposite sex. But don’t worry today my loves I will ensure this blog is of my utmost priorities and put any potential suitors on the back burner. 

The best sex I have had in my life was definitely not with those pretentious little frat fuck Chads that are convinced their dick is of the same standing as the coveted Arthurian holy grail.

No. The best experiences in my life ranked as follows:

Guys that were bullied in high school

Tatted men who don’t cut their hair

Anyone foreign

30 year-old’s (Shoutout Jeff from IT)

Just the other day I was talking to a close friend about the differences of sex for both men and women. Specifically we were talking about the need for protection to prevent both unwanted STD’s and pregnancies.

Let’s think about this quick: in order to make a baby, a man needs to climax during sex. 

Can you imagine how quickly our issues of overpopulation would be solved if that were also true for a woman? I didn’t have my first orgasm until two, almost three years after I became sexually active.

Not only can you have sex without pleasure, but much more importantly (in my professional opinion) is that you can have pleasure without sex.

Foreplay is a thing of the Gods.

The Greek ones that walked around in loincloths for fun and fed each other grapes on the daily.

I mean the things I would have let Julius Ceasar do to me… I have no boundaries and I still would not write them out here for the public eye to gaze upon.

After going on several more dates lately it has become even more evident that at the end of the day men really do want one thing: sex.

Even those thirty-something year-olds that say they’re looking for their ‘life partner’ but proceed to invite you home with them after a first date and then never text you again after you respectfully decline their invitation.

I can’t help but wonder what would have happened had I gone with him? I was incredibly attracted to him and arguably one of the best dates I’ve been on. Our kiss was electric in the sense there was none of that ‘you go this way’ bullshit and even the amount of tongue used by the both of us was perfectly proportionate. Granted I was perhaps a bit buzzed so that could have added to it, but I’ll call it chemistry.

Now before I go any further this is not me advocating to sleep with a guy to get him to like you. Merely I am thinking out loud. I Can’t help but wonder. Also what sucks is I genuinely WANTED to fuck this man. 

BUT I DIDN’T BECAUSE I’M TRYING TO BE MORE INTENTIONAL ABOUT DATING OR WHATEVER.

But if he was going to ghost me anyway you’re telling me I could have at least gotten a good lay out of it? 

So now I find myself in this limbo. I have deleted my apps (and intermitendly redownloaded them) but I find  myself wondering if I just fuck who I want when I want and go from there to see where life takes me.

I think I have gotten it into my head that I am this prize to be earned. Now not to say I’m not but I don’t need to hold back sex as some sort of weapon to without and hope and pray a man finds worth in me without it. I mean even in Harry Potter the golden snitch gets to get some oral in the process of the game.

Again not advocate for using sex as a way to make a man want you, but also am reminding that you don’t need to withhold to try and fulfill some societal urge to be ‘earned’. I do need effort and certain things from a man when it comes to an adult relationship. But if I think someone’s attractive and genuinely want to have sex with them then I don’t need to wait ‘just because’.

I will say I think there’s a caveat when it comes to this because some people can’t have unattached sex. I for one do not directly correlate sex with emotional intimacy. So it works for me.

I recently slept with an Irish man who lives in Dabai and will never see again and am so glad that happened, but haven’t thought of him since other than to relay this information to you. And I’ll tell you this, he FUCKED like an Irish man in the BEST of way.

Moral of the story, I think I need some unattached sex in my life and will leave you lovely readers to see what I can do about that.

Reminder to not attest sex to what it means to society but genuinely what it means to you, because no ones else’s views fucking matter.

Love and appreciate you all.

Xoxo Mild Girl