Something I know I (as well as a multitude of women) struggle with is becoming a little too emotionally invested early on.
Maybe that shit scraped by in high school/college, but we’re out here in the big leagues now.
Now I’m not saying it’s unhealthy to genuinely care for a person and their well being before getting to know him, but we’ve all been guilty of getting a little ahead of ourselves.
I used to think I wanted this world wind romance where a guy sees me annotating my book in the corner of a local coffee shop and immediately decide I was 'the one'.
I will never apologize for caring for someone or showing empathy, honestly if that’s the worst thing you can say about me, then by all means go for it
Sometimes I just need to take a little step back and ask my self why I'm having these feelings?
I don't have an exact fine line but there are experiences I would not do with someone I'm casually seeing, but would with a significant other (or honestly a stranger).
I know for me when I experience a certain 'first' or just something really special I can trick myself into thinking that means we may be closer than we are. Not to say that there aren't bonding experiences for relationships/situationships, whatever you want to call him.
But one amazing weekend together isn't going to make him want to stop fucking other girls.
That's not to say I am against special things with people you're not exclusive with, but those things that are intrinsically specific to me (ex. my national park roadtrips) are things that are a big part of me and who I am, so it's very hard for me to commit to sharing that experience with someone that I don't know is going to be in my life for long.
I rarely talk about religion in these, but one thing from the bible that I think is a very healthy takeaway for going into a relationship is to guard your heart.
This is something that's always been hard for me because I don't really like to hold back, I never have. Notoriously I believe I am very what you see is what you get, and I don't mind that.
Never been into playing hard to get.
That's not to say that I'm not hard to get.
When it comes to dinner/drinks or whatever the date is I'm not too picky on the person, but when it comes to whom I'm dating. You had best believe they will be VETTED and worthy of me.
Maybe that sounds a little pretentious, but I also want a partner that I feel worthy of. Someone I am so advantageously proud to be affiliated with.
Not because of money or where they work, but for who they are and all it is that the put into the universe.
I REFUSE to be a ‘pick me’ girl (or at least sober Lauren feels that way)
Add some tequila to the mix and that goes out the window, drunk goggles are REAL.
If/when/whatever I’m in a relationship with a man (no boys allowed) I will be 100% certain that he is with me because he wants to be. I’ve seen relationships where the girl or guy just sticks around and eventually the other person is just like ‘well, I guess you’ll do’.
In college I legitimately witnessed someone end things with my friend and she just kept showing up, crying and eventually they got back together.
Now they live in XXXXXXX together and have been dating for several years.
I'm sure there's a lot of intrinsic parts of that relationship I don't know, and never will, but I personally would never want someone to view my relationship that way.
Don’t get me wrong they seem very happy, afterall I’m the single one that’s a couple cats away from a PETA call, so what do I know?
My perspective on this is just that I would not personally want my own relationship to start like that (again, this is coming from a girl who met her ex on tinder). So I am not exactly a romance aficionado.
Also I would like to note your relationship is your relationship and fuck what anybody else says.
(unless it's actually unhealthy and toxic - then please go to therapy)
To me, ‘dating with intention’ doesn’t mean you meet someone and immediately start talking about your future. The whole point of dating is that it’s fun and you get to meet new people and figure out exactly what it is you’re looking for in a partner.
Which I think is extremely healthy considering I used to have romcoms be my point of reference when it came to dating. Surprisingly enough, I was devastated when no one ever showed up outside my window with a boom box.
Don’t get me wrong, I’ve had my share of sweet romantic moments:
I currently have a cowboy that calls me every day and leaves a voicemail to remind me that I’m ‘a doll’
***I’ve been called a lot of things in my life (usually something along the lines of adventurous, beautiful, intelligent, brave), but I can’t say doll has ever been one of them.
My senior prom I was asked to the dance by a guy pulling out a poster and guitar and putting my name into a Taylor Swift song, I still think about that Nick and will always cherish that memory. So genuinely thank you.
And I don't think sweet moments need to be big things either.
I’ve gotten flowers from a guy twice ever.. The first being my senior year boyfriend that I dated for a month, little does he know I still have them (so thanks Josh).
They may be wilted and fall apart at the slightest touch, but everytime I come back to my parents house in Ohio I see them and am reminded of the first time ever that a man made me feel really special.
Not hot. Not sexy.
Special.
Don’t get me wrong, anyone can stop at Krogers (Fry’s for my Arizonans) on the way to that restaurant that’s nice enough for a first date, but won’t break your bank at the same time. But it honestly is the thought that counts.
I love to put up this persona that I am a strong, independent woman that ‘don’t need no man’.
***I absolutely am all these things
But at the same time that doesn’t mean I ultimately don’t have this intrinsic desire to be loved and have a partner that will support me as my equal and be that teammate to go through life together.
That’s also not going to stop me from a random hookup with a thirty year-old in IT that takes me to expensive cocktail bars and respects me. While there are people you may meet/date that don't necessarily have anything 'wrong' with them, you're just not going to want to pursue a relationship with every nice guy (or gal) in the world, which is so okay!!!
If that were the case I'd be dating my uber driver from last night.
While I do have this ultimate goal of finding that person, it's not something I'm trying to rush.
If I committed to the first nice guy I met there’s a lot of things I wouldn’t know about myself and what I’m looking for.
Yesterday for instance I had a date with some man from Hinge, and while I don’t really think anything will come out of it I have already seen qualities in him that I find very attractive.
Nothing is sexier than a man who plans, communicates and follows through.
And at 6:57 AM on Wednesday I received this message.
That's hot.
Honestly at this point I could be meeting up with a forty-seven year-old Lebanese woman trying to get me to change my cars extended warranty and I would still go through with the date - solely based on the manner of confidence and preparation he has shown.
***My intrusive thoughts are wondering how many of you read that as a sexual orientation rather than an ethnicity***
One thing I've recently discovered is my favorite dating age range is 26-32 year-old men... emphasis on the MEN. Don't get me wrong there are some eternal frat bros out there looking to sew those wild oats, but I'm talking out the Senior IT Specialists and PGA Account Managers that really treat you like a lady.
I love to plan cute dates and my head is constantly running rampant with ideas, but that doesn't mean I want to always want to be the one taking charge. I'll make a decision when I want to, but I love the feeling in my feminine when a man is (respectfully) assertive.
***Unless it's in the bedroom, I'm okay with a little disrespect there, if done the right way***
I can genuinely say this is the first time in my life I know my worth.
Which honestly makes me a little emotional, because there was a long time there where I would let men use and walk all over me...
Looking a little into my last relationship:
My ex is a great guy and I absolutely wish him the best, but throughout the duration of our relationship I think he bought me a coffee once.
Don't get me wrong there were some gifts and a lot of sweet gestures here and there, and it's genuinely not about the money. It's the action of a man actively making a choice that signifies he wants to take care of you in some form.
I'm sure there are times I'm forgetting, but I do know the one time we went out to a nice dinner (that was his idea) I paid.
While everyone does love to be spoiled a little bit, I do think a relationship is not meant to be one gives and the other purely receives, I'm all for treating a guy if I really care for him. I'm a big girl with a corporate job, but I do that if/because I choose to - not because it was asked of me.
I think we all know there's absolutely NO QUESTION, on my ability to be independent and on my own. I'm that bitch that beat cancer and then moved cross country the next day.
Now I live alone, go on my little adventures and live my literal best life.
I don't really have a desire for too much of that to change right now, but at the same time I do eventually want a partner, and dating and putting yourself out there is a big step in that.
Doesn't happen over night.
I was never one to date around much when I was younger.
***I know I’m twenty-three but I have the knees of an eight year-old Saint Bernard - An obscure reference I know, but take my word for it.
Genuinely I find this time in my life very exciting. My mom isn’t thrilled that I am going on dates with ~the locals~ seeing as I live approximately 1,874.3 miles away (unless you take the scenic route). Sorry Soph, but if these fuckers can’t take the .002 seconds to read my location then that’s on them. I also genuinely am looking to get something out of every date I go on, and that’s not something I say with a maniacal undertone.
I go on dates to figure out what exactly I am looking for in a man.
Currently the man I’ve configured in my head is a 28 year-old lumberjack that left his six figure, stock broker job on Wall Street to pursue his passions of manly-outdoor related things. He has curly brown hair, a sleeve of tattoos (with more on the way) and a superb vernacular. His hobbies include volunteering as a fireman, reading and worshiping the ground I walk on.
That’s not to say I’m not flexible and am completely set on these qualities…
…his hair could be wavy.
Now I understand this may be a bit of a reach, but it’s my imagination so I’ll very well do whatever I please (:
All jokes aside:
Which is tough for me.
Haha see what I did there?
The jokes are literally aside.
I’m hilarious.
Back to your regularly scheduled programming
Yeah sure there are looks and physical attributes that initially attract me to a man, but at the same time there have been some men I’ve met over my life that didn’t maybe check certain boxes, but they had other qualities that really stood out.
I’ve been with attractive meat heads and the Owen Wilsons of the real world (sorry if you're into Owen Wilson, just not my cup of tea)
Believe it or not one was even missing a tooth.
***I promise he looks better than whatever you're picturing
I’d also like to clarify this doesn’t mean I actually am UNattracted to these kind’ve men. I think we all have been guilty of overlooking the also attractive side character of the major motion picture because Ryan Gosling walks in.. being all Ryan and doing Gosling things and you just can’t help but salivate a little (regardless of which way you swing).
Everyone has a different path when it comes to dating (or not dating). For me personally right now is a period of figuring my shit out and what it is I want.
I go back and forth on what exactly I’m looking for.
For all you assholes that are just like: “When it’s right you just know”
Fuck you Stacy.
My brain doesn’t work like that.
I want to know how a person is going to handle bad situations, conflict and all the other not-so fun parts of a relationship that seem to be conveniently left out of the Nicholas Sparks novels. Alright, yeah there’s the dramatic decision of whether to let her go pursue that dream career on the other side of the country.. But then conveniently it all works out (idk if that’s the plot of one but it sounds right)
I want to hear about the everyday tiffs that are inevitable when you spend that much time with someone.
For instance, I love my sister and would literally die for her (unless she’s being a cunt). But earlier today she quite literally threated my life because I walked into her room with a salad and she could smell the blue cheese.
So naturally my mom and I tag teamed her with an extreme cuddle. To say the least she was not pleased.
Back to the matter at hand:
Dating.
I don’t think any of us really even know what this means. Technically the act of consistently going on dates with someone qualifies as actively dating that person. But the Gen Z (or whatever the letter is) in us that thinks it’s ‘on trend’ to be emotionally unavailable would shit themself if the other person said that they were dating at that point.
Let’s have a little lesson on action verbs:
If I am at dinner, with a plate of food in front of me, even if I am not technically committing to taking a bite or chewing at that moment, I am still eating dinner.
Sorry to burst your bubble Josh but you are dating that girl, don’t let your dick crawl up inside you too much now.
I get it that commitment is scary, I don’t disagree.
Admitting that you care about that person and that they now have the ability to hurt you.
.. or the fact that I might not be single for Arizona spring training..
Not only that but when you commit to someone, to an extent they are an extension of you. Your friends, your family, your elderly neighbors will judge you based on the quality of that person.
Don’t get me wrong, I’ve got my daddy issues, but I’d like to think my period of that impacting the men I choose to spend my time with is over.
At the end of the day it’s whose the person that you want to bring you a second roll of toilet paper when you’re butt-ass naked, shitting your brains out because the mexican place you went to last night left their crema out just a little (a LOTle) too long.
As always thanks for taking time to read the random things that transcend from my head to my laptop.
Love & appreciate you all (yes even you).
Xoxo Mild Girl